Would you cut it out already?

Sophie went from sleeping through the night to waking up at least twice a night. Carrie has been particularly tired as of late since she tends to deal with most of the late night baby issues. She deals with most of the day time baby issues too. Actually, I guess she deals with most of the baby issues, but I digress.

The other night I had come home late from work after dinner with some co-workers. While getting ready for bed I heard Sophie making some struggling cries. Since I was already awake, I turned off the baby monitor and went in to do some parenting. I cradled Sophie in my arms but I was unable to lull her back to sleep. Assuming the matter was diaper related I put her on her changing table.

First, I had to open her kiddopotamus. If you've never seen one of these they are a papoose-like baby swaddling blanket that uses modern technology to constrain your child. Three velcro straps keep your child firmly wrapped and virtually no amount of struggling will let them out. I'm not sure that I feel entirely comfortable with an infant straight jacket but if it helps her sleep, then it can't be too bad. I opened the three velcro straps. *RIP* *RIP* *RIP.

We keep our house pretty cold (though her room has its own space heater) and Carrie likes to keep her in layers. Inside her kiddopotamus was a warm fleece zip up sleeper. *ZIP*

Talk about layers. Inside the sleeper she was wearing a onesie. I'm glad she didn't need to use the toilet. Onesies are fastened with three snaps at the crotch. I opened the first snap. *POP* The middle snap was a little stuck so I moved onto the third snap. *POP* Back to the middle snap. I pulled as hard as I could but it was still stuck. I decided to get a better grip by grabbing the cloth around the snap and pulling from there. No dice.

Okay, to be honest, I had had quite a few drinks at the team dinner. However, I was able to navigate a mass transit system, open the door to my house, unfasten the velcro, unzip the sleeper and open two snaps. Besides I didn't feel particularly intoxicated. However, I did feel a little sheepish that I was about to wake Carrie up because I couldn't unsnap this 6-9 month sized article of clothing.

I knew what I needed: Tools! I went into the bathroom to get our tool kit. I took out a screwdriver and tried to pry open the snap. Nothing doing. I took out the pliers and grabbed one side of the snap and pulled. Nada.

By this time, I've stopped being frustrated and became just plain annoyed. I grabbed a pair of scissors. I looked at my adorable little daughter in her adorable little outfit with its adorable little bear embroidered on it. I couldn't do it. I knew that if I cut this snap off I would have lost and Carrie would never let me live it down.

I did what any self-respecting man would do when he couldn't figure out how to care for his child. I went to my wife. I hid the tools by the side of the changing table first, of course.

"Carrie, you need to help me change Sophie. I can't get her out of her onesie and I'm about to cut her out of it."

"Really?"

Carrie groggily got out of bed and came to Sophie's room. There was no need to show her what was wrong as there was only one little piece of metal between Sophie and a clean diaper. Carrie grab the snap and pulled. *POP*

Just kidding.

She pulled as hard as could but to no avail. "You know what I think we need?" she asked. I proudly handed her the pair of pliers. "No, a screw driver." I handed her that too. She had just about as much luck as I did. After about two minutes Carrie resigned. "Hand me the scissors." she said.

*SNIP*

The rest of the evening was pretty normal.