Wasted childhood

My parents told me many times when I was younger that I played too many video games. Their argument was that I should do something valuable with my time; something that would teach me valuable skills for later in life. Little did they know that maneuvering space crafts through enemy flotillas while dodging destructor beams towards the mini-boss would assist me in my child rearing.

Feeding Genevieve is a lot like playing a video game. Though it is more of a multi-player game where I'm playing head to head against her. My goal is to get as much food as possible into her mouth while her task is to make as big of a mess as possible. She's got a lot of tricks that she can use and just like a video game the first level is easy but it gets harder as you go.

When you first sit down at a meal Genevieve dutifully opens her mouth for every spoonful. Not many points are awarded per mouthful. The only challenging part is to ensure that the food stays on the spoon. Baby spoons are incredibly shallow and some of the food we give her is a little soupy. Yogurt for example makes an incredible mess if you aren't careful. Sometimes it is necessary to differentiate between an open mouth eager for food and an open mouth ready to sneeze. Sneezes can come during any round at random intervals. Sort of like the little space ship that runs across the screen for bonus points. Dodging the sneeze doesn't gain you any points but if she catches you....bingo. Nothing spatters like yogurt when it is sneezed off a spoon. This level ends pretty quickly.
Score:
Daniel: 20
Genevieve: 3

On the second level Genevieve has lost interest in eating and while she continues to open her mouth she has begun turning her head from side to side looking for something more interesting. Moving targets are challenging when you are dealing with food that likes to slide off of the spoon. This level lasts a little longer and points are doubled. I'm pretty much an ace at levels one and two.
Score:
Daniel: 60
Genevieve: 5

Level three is where things start to get hard. Genevieve, now tired of eating, starts to only open her mouth for a fraction of a second all the while spasmodically beating her arms on the high chair. A skillful player can weave the spoon between the beating arms into the mouth with no trouble. I, however, am not a skillful player. I manage to get through the arms most of the time but often miss the timing on the mouth. You can't leave your spoon hanging out waiting for the mouth to open because dodging the arms at close range is nigh impossible. You must weave back through the barrage to the safety of the bowl anticipating the next opening. I've learned to make feints with the spoon to try to trick her arms so that I can make a quick dive to the goal.
Score:
Daniel: 110
Genevieve: 50

Points are doubled again in round four but there is a new twist. Genevieve's little hands will sneak into her mouth pulling out some of the food you have successfully lodged in there. This is where she really starts racking up points. Now that she is armed she begins to smear food on her face. I'm stuck with a classic dilemma here. Do I try to stop her from rubbing scrambled eggs into her hair, performing damage control to maintain my lead on points, or do I use this diversion to my advantage and take some quick bonus points by sneaking extra spoonfuls into her unsuspecting mouth. In the past I've tried wiping her face with one hand while feeding with the other but this only works to her advantage. She ends up getting me messy and squirms her face in such a way that I end up just plastering the food on her cheek.
Score:
Daniel: 208
Genevieve: 173

The final round commences when Genevieve no longer wants any more food but she still has a little left in her bowl. We've measured out what we consider to be her portion and I, doing my fatherly duty, will try my best to ensure that she consumes it all. By now, she is a little fussy, bored, not very hungry and very messy. Her bib is coated in several rounds worth of casualties. At this point even if the mouth is open the food doesn't necessarily go in. She starts to use her tongue to push the food out or even worse she'll clamp down on the spoon and blow a mighty toot. The toot has similar results as the sneeze but this time it is intentional. This round ends when either the food runs out or I lose patience. 50 point bonus for me if she finishes the bowl otherwise it goes to her.
Final Score:
Daniel: 217
Genevieve: 233

I played a good game but obviously I need more practice. If only my parents had let me play more video games as a child I would be a better parent.