Where is my healing crystal?

I don't know if we've made this clear but Genevieve has been keeping us up all night for the past few nights. She eats about every three hours but in between feedings she is cranky and fussy. The term colic has been thrown about. Perhaps in an act of pure desperation or possibly due to just sheer exhaustion we've decided to try some new age advice.

Carrie has changed her diet and is no longer eating dairy, fish, vegetables or foods with the letter 'R' in their name. We have also bought a European herbal concoction for the baby. The active ingredients are ginger, anise and methadone.

If this doesn't work, I've got a bottle of Witherspoon and Sons Revitalizing and Hair Growth Tonic. I think I'm supposed to rub that on her feet three times a day. Though, I'm not sure why we want to give her hairy feet.