Old Faithful
For those who don't find scatalogical stories particularly amusing, you might want to skip this entry. However for those of you that find our hardships amusing, I urge you to read on.
Babies that are only fed breast milk tend to have very loose stool. So loose in fact that it is primarily liquid. In the beginning she was making poopie diapers all the time. As she has grown older and her sphincter has grown stronger she can hold it in until the pressure overcomes the seal and what erupts forth can only be described euphemistically as "blasting off."
When she is wearing her diaper and laying in the crib it is amusing to watch as you hear this massive explosion being muffled by a few layers of baby clothing. If you are holding her while she is being fed, you can feel the shockwaves ripple through the fabric. It is so powerful sometimes, that I swear she has been lifted up from the force. Baby diapers are designed to hold little blue cups of water poured gently into their center. Or so the commercials would have you believe. They were not designed to contain waste water shot out of a high pressure cannon. The force can cause the seals to blow out either around the legs or waist. I can tell you from experience that this isn't a pleasant experience as you don't notice until it has soaked through what she is wearing and onto what you were wearing. eeew.
But that isn't what I came to tell you about tonight. Nope. What I've decided to chronicle was worse. Way worse. Changing a baby's diaper is like cleaning a loaded gun with the safety off. It is dangerous and likely to cause catastrophe. More often than not it just results in a few extra messy diapers. However, if you time it just right, you can make an incredible mess. If you've ever put your thumb on the end of a garden hose you'd know that you can make the water shoot pretty far. The same holds true in the world of diaper changes when using a baby wipe and the countdown clock reaches 0. A blast off at this inopportune time causes a geyser to shoot laterally bathing every item on the changing table in filth.
At noon on a weekend this is a disgusting inconvenience. At 4 AM on a work night this is devastating. What could have just been a 40 minute feeding/diaper change has turned into an hour and a half long nightmare. I had to use a sponge on the walls.
Lest you think that I am making a big deal about some statistically insignificant occurrence, this has happened three times. She is only four weeks old. This didn't start until she was two weeks old. I think the next few months are going to be like some mad Gallagher show gone terribly, terribly wrong.
Maybe instead of changing pads we need a painters tarp.
Babies that are only fed breast milk tend to have very loose stool. So loose in fact that it is primarily liquid. In the beginning she was making poopie diapers all the time. As she has grown older and her sphincter has grown stronger she can hold it in until the pressure overcomes the seal and what erupts forth can only be described euphemistically as "blasting off."
When she is wearing her diaper and laying in the crib it is amusing to watch as you hear this massive explosion being muffled by a few layers of baby clothing. If you are holding her while she is being fed, you can feel the shockwaves ripple through the fabric. It is so powerful sometimes, that I swear she has been lifted up from the force. Baby diapers are designed to hold little blue cups of water poured gently into their center. Or so the commercials would have you believe. They were not designed to contain waste water shot out of a high pressure cannon. The force can cause the seals to blow out either around the legs or waist. I can tell you from experience that this isn't a pleasant experience as you don't notice until it has soaked through what she is wearing and onto what you were wearing. eeew.
But that isn't what I came to tell you about tonight. Nope. What I've decided to chronicle was worse. Way worse. Changing a baby's diaper is like cleaning a loaded gun with the safety off. It is dangerous and likely to cause catastrophe. More often than not it just results in a few extra messy diapers. However, if you time it just right, you can make an incredible mess. If you've ever put your thumb on the end of a garden hose you'd know that you can make the water shoot pretty far. The same holds true in the world of diaper changes when using a baby wipe and the countdown clock reaches 0. A blast off at this inopportune time causes a geyser to shoot laterally bathing every item on the changing table in filth.
At noon on a weekend this is a disgusting inconvenience. At 4 AM on a work night this is devastating. What could have just been a 40 minute feeding/diaper change has turned into an hour and a half long nightmare. I had to use a sponge on the walls.
Lest you think that I am making a big deal about some statistically insignificant occurrence, this has happened three times. She is only four weeks old. This didn't start until she was two weeks old. I think the next few months are going to be like some mad Gallagher show gone terribly, terribly wrong.
Maybe instead of changing pads we need a painters tarp.
Labels: poop
posted by daniel @ 7:50 PM
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